Unfortunately, today is a really sad day for me. As you may already know, the magical store I've been writing about a lot, Pinkly Ever After, will close at the end of January 2015. Since this brand meant so much to me, I felt like I should express myself here as well. I am sorry that my first post of the year is about this sad event, but it's really important to me, and I will tell you why. Today I would like to share with you my story.
*At 8 years old, I was already starting to become interested in japanese pop culture... without knowing it. My cousin introduced me to Stepmania on PC and it was the revelation of my life. She installed me the game and all the songs from it so I started playing all day long. How was I introduced to this culture you ask? Well if you look at all the original songs from DDR, most of them are in japanese. I started to like cute things like Gundam Openings and songs from Smile D.K that made me full of joy. My mom even ordered me a Dance pad (which was reaaally not available in Canada at this time) and man I have to say, I burned calories even before gaining some x) I played so much you don't even know...
*When I was about 12 years old, my friend made me discover anime. It was so cool for me, all this magical world! Ahah, I was such a weaboo.... (*≧▽≦)ﾉｼ)) But even if this sound stupid, this was the path that leaded me to learn more about Japanese culture and finally, Harajuku fashion. I was in year 1 of High School and I was afraid of the world in front of me. As I tried to be creative, I remember wearing red as much as possible and I was always wearing a choker necklace with a bell so I could look like my idol from Tokyo Mew Mew. Wow, such a weab.... ok shut up Cherry. (Good point of the story : I also discovered Perfume in that period. Thanks Lisa <3 Am I forgiven now? ;v;)
Anyway, I started searching about Lolita fashion... I even remember looking on Milanoo's website more than once AHAHAH(ᕑᗢूᓫ∗)˒˒... oh well! This fashion interested me a lot, I suddenly wanted to be a part of that world as it seemed to beautiful to exist! The truth is, my family is not quite the wealthiest one and asking my mom to buy me such clothes was just unthinkable. Because I was 12 years old, I couldn't work either, or even if I was sometimes, it wasn't enough for a dress or even a blouse! I started to give up on this idea of obtaining so many cute clothes.
Meanwhile at school, you can already guess what happened. I got bullied for liking such stupid things and wanting to dress with flashy colors or wearing that stupid choker of mine. I had (and still have) the most wonderful friends in the world that helped me go through this and told everybody else that if they weren't okay with my style, they could get the hell out. ღ˘◡˘ற♡.｡oO
As I also slightly discovered social medias, I saw all the beautiful pictures of lolitas around the world and I was so jealous. Oh, so jealous of their perfect looking skin, their pretty faces, their lovely dresses... and their two arms. I finally convinced myself that I could never be as pretty as them because I got something missing here... And gosh this was hard. It was so hard, as during two years after that I was the same. I was considering myself like a little shitty girl who just tried too hard and could never fullfill her dreams. I was desperate with many problems of anxiety...(I am still trying to deal with them but I am SOOOOO much better than ever).
*Finally, third year of high school. Ah, yes, I think this all started there. A couple friends of mine decided to create a cosplay group and invited me to this world. As I started slowly going to anime conventions and working my ass off for cosplays, I remember being really proud of myself until I saw the other cosplays. Gosh, this art is such a pain. This is truly awful if you always compare yourself with the others. (Don't ever compare yourself like that by the way, I was just one of the lowest-self-esteem-person ever.)
I was more and more desperate than before. Everybody looked cuter than me, everybody was sewing better, crafting better... but more importantly, looked better. Of course they looked better, they had two arms! Their cosplay were symmetric, and their pictures were too! As I am really perfectionnist, symmetry was really important! They were heavenly symmetric... I stood up and tried to take pictures from only one side... but it always looked weird.
*Fifth year of high school (and the last) : I kept cosplaying and "trying" to be myself. As I thought I found true love, my burden of my low self-esteem was kind of less important. I was happy with him, that's all that mattered. He loved me for what I was... He was okay with my arm and his family too. They were all very accepting of my person, I could never say otherwise. But I wasn't myself . They loved me for what I tried to convinced them I was. To be honest, I was completely someone else. As I always tried to please everybody, everybody else but me, I thought I was happy because they were. Oh that was the shittiest thing I've ever said to me in my entire life! (◞‸ლ)'''
*First year of Cegep : The big break up. Oh the pain, the tears, you don't even know. As my esteem was such a crap, I never realized how different I was inside and outside. It took me four month to get fully recovered and everyone in my group of friends never stopped helping me. Even if I was sad and the depression started to devour me, I feel like this is during these four months that I made the biggests realizations of my entire life. Things that seems so normal today ; like accepting myself, living for myself, do not give a damn about what people think about me, being only with people that I loved and not force myself to live with others only because I didn't wanted to sound mean... So many things concerning my privileges as a white woman, racism, sexism, homophobia, love... This year was litterally the year my brain started to function the way I wanted it to be for so long ago. (ᗒᗜᗕ)՛̵̖
Ironically, it was a semester after that, when I started to live normally again, and truly accept that I could be other than withdrawn in public that I met my new boyfriend. After so many anxiety crisis, so many tears and probably everything I could've said to someone, he encouraged me to become myself. He didn't oppressed me like I felt before, he didn't wanted me to fit into that tiny square of expectations from him. He said to me, so many times "Be who you are and I will love you no matter what". It took me SO MUCH TIME to actually be myself.
With my boyfriend and these kind of good person pushing me to accept myself, I still went to conventions and anime/fashion related events trying to learn more and more about japanese fashion. Even if my boyfriend was not a fan of my fairy kei style slightly trying to emerge from me at first, he finally said "If that makes you happy then it makes me happy". I have to say this person is an angel... but more on that later maybe ~ (⌒▽⌒)☆
*After that, well I think it's pretty obvious. All the fun! Oh, the acceptance of me was unbelievable. Unlike everything I have felt before. I saw a couple of my friends taking pictures in fairy kei and as I began to be closer to them, they finally told me about Pinku Project. I was so late in the discovery of Pinku Project though... I could only assist to their last concert in G-Anime, 2013. But when I got there.... oh I can tell you guys this was amazing! As I discovered all at the same time : more informations about harajuku fashion, wotagei, cute dancers, amazing new friends, japanese pop culture, fairy kei, mahou kei, dolly kei... Pinkly Ever After! So many things that changed my life. I was so sad to be late on Pinku Project activities, but I kept in touch with a few people from the community and this helped me develop myself further more.After that, I knew more about Pinkly Ever After, the way to obtain cute clothes, and since I was finally able to work I had money to buy them.
*As I finally obtained tickets to see Kyary Pamyu Pamyu, the adventure really began. You can read more about this story here, but at the end, my new friend Cadney introduced me to lolita fashion... for real! I think I will never thank her enough for all the knowledge and the chance I got to know her. Thank you so much Cadney, I love you! (*˘3˘*).｡.:*♡
*Finally, 2013 and 2014. During these years, I think, is when I truly discovered that my attire for this kind of fashion was more than just a silly phase. I bought so many things from PEA and started to slightly enter Lolita fashion. I found out that here in Montreal, we have one of the most amazing community! Everyone is just so accepting and kind to the others. As somehow Robin, the designer of Pinkly Ever After, ended up living near my house, we attended events together and I was getting closer to her. This person is really amazing, she really is devoted to whatever she plans and always have such a good vision. I was first amazed by her talent, and after that, amazed by her entire person. She was holding a shop by herself with her friend Leah and I thought it must've been a dream come true to her. She was so happy to delivers so many joy to her customers, I can tell! I will include a couple of photos showing you their devotion to Pinkly Ever After, but I think if you read my reviews about them, you will truly understand why I loved that shop so much. But now, the store will close by the end of January. Robin said on Pinkly Ever After's Facebook page that she "couldn't express what was really in [her] because of whatever restrictions. [She] thought it was [her] duty to help others realize what was within by making the clothes that they felt the most themselves in and [she] still feel responsible to continue what [she] can which is that [she] stop being the commercial designer and going back to being the artist who is after the true beauty."
Knowing her, I know it's for her own good. When someone does not create for themselves but always for the others, it's just getting awful. Since I think I expressed myself in a good way when I wrote this message on PEA'S page on Facebook, I think I will just copy/paste it here for those who doesn't follow them:
It breaks my heart, I am so sad that your magical clothes won't be selling like in the days... your fashion sense and all your creativity made me smile so much, I could hardly wait recieving my order a few minutes after I bought from you. Your devotion to your work made me smile too and I thought "What a wonderful thing it must be to live your dream and sew for fun!" but I guess the fact that I couldn't see more further than the post office didn't helped my comprehension... I am sooooo sorry that business have ruined this in a way ;;;;; I will cherish all my clothes from PEA and never sell them. They must be cherished with all my heart... Your amazing, cute and beautiful work needs to be remembered by everyone. I have to say though, if you needed to stop doing business with your creativity, I wish you will still use it as much as you can... develop it further more and keep doing what you like... for /yourself/. I know that my words aren't super effective through your screen, but I really wish the best for you. May you continue being yourself and doing things you like especially for you and not the others. Take care, I love you so much Robin. I know you can go far in life. Even if it was probably hard for you, please never forget all the joy you delivered to so many people. You have that magical talent of yours to make people feels special or beautiful or super cute just by sewing a piece of magical clothe. Please never forget all the smiles you gave to your customers as they may either never forget all the joy you sent to them.
Sincerely, Cherilyne, one of your biggest fan who would've bought everything from your store if she was rich
I love you, please take care and keep fighting You can do it
Also thank you... thank you so much for everything you've done. Pinkly Ever After helped me a lot accepting myself and being cute without the fear of being judged... Thank you for everything ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
*I sure hope you guys can see how much I loved that brand. I wish the best for Robin and may she never stop putting so many effort into what she's accomplishing. My friends, my boyfriend and mainly this store made me feel like it was okay to be childish. It was okay if I wanted to look like a princess or a magical fairy without cosplaying. I still wear this style in a more casual way at school and in everyday life. What if other people judge me? I don't give a damn! I look cute and I know it!★~(◠‿◕✿) If they just think I look weird, I will tell them that well, I am , myself, feeling good with what I wear and that this is none of their business.
I could've never thought I would be so accepting of myself someday... Thanks to everyone who helped me becoming the person I am now. I love you all, especially Jay, Lisa, Jo, Daph, Flo, No, Momo, Ari, Cadney, Robin, and Michou <3 (There is so many people I would like to thanks as I litterally got help from everyone. I would just like to add Magali on this list who helped me struggle with my break up <3) Also, I have the most accepting mother in the world, thanks for everything mom ;v; (๑◕ฺ‿ฺ◕ฺ๑)｡o♡
I will try to keep on writing on this blog because I like expressing myself here. I know that I am really not posting on a daily basis, but I am trying too. So sorry for that...
Please do not forget that you ARE pretty. Be yourself, do not be afraid au laughing in public because you may be "too loud". Do not be afraid of feeling comfortable in your favourite clothes just because others can judge you.
If ou are dealing with a disability, you ARE beautiful. It's not you who is different, is the others that are still not accepting enough in this world.
I am aware that I still have a lot to learn and I don't want to sound like I know everything about life... It's just that I feel a lot better with myself after all these years. I hope you guys liked my story. ｡^‿^｡
Sincerely, Cherry ෆ╹ .̮ ╹ෆ
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